Socialization for dogs is most commonly understood as working to get a pup comfortable with interacting with other dogs. This is actually only one small aspect of socialization. More accurately, socialization is teaching a pup to be neutral in any environment regardless of what is happening.
The neutrality part is what is most often missed in the definition of a social dog. Being neutral does not mean being void of feeling. It means having a response that is not excessive in any particular way for the situation- whether that is fear, excitement or anger.. Obviously, if a dog is startled, a moment of fear is natural. Same with encountering something that gives them great joy- they should be excited. How a dog behaves after the initial moment demonstrates their level of balance.
A balanced dog takes things in stride. They can handle change and are not stressed positively or negatively by anything that happens. That’s the second component of socialization that is often misunderstood. The myth is that rambunctious enthusiasm is sociability. A dog that is excited for everything revs at an energy that really isn’t that different from a dog who is scared of everything. It is inappropriate and long term, not healthy.
The reason excess emotion in any direction isn’t balanced is because it means the dog is unable to work through the emotion to move on. Most people can understand this with a dog who lashes out from fear or aggression, but doesn’t relate it to a dog who is in a constant state of hyperactivity, an adrenaline junkie per se. A balanced dog can not only bring itself back to neutral quickly and on its own, it stays in that state the majority of the time.
How does one achieve a balanced dog then?! The work for this rests primarily on the shoulders of the human(s). You are their lifeline in this human world that they don’t understand and it’s your job to interpret it for them, instruct them, and set them up to succeed. Start early with exposure and desensitization and never stop. But be there in the right frame of mind to support them the entire time.
To be the proper support for your dog, begin with being fully present at all times. Effective leaders are on their game and proactive, not on their phones or doing nothing while things are going on. However, being present but apprehensive or uncertain is also not effective. There’s a good chance your dog will not listen if you’re nervous- both of you can’t be scared at the same time. Conversely, dogs do not benefit from over-excitement. Too much encouragement, especially for a dog who might be easily aroused, is counterproductive. Again, neutrality is the natural state in the animal kingdom; everything else is out of balance.
The more that your dog is safely and positively exposed to, the less there will be for them to react inappropriately to. That means, avoidance does your fur pal no favours. Avoidance is a temporary measure in certain situations and circumstances, but it does not give your dog the opportunity to develop skills to figure things out for themselves.
Letting your dog figure things out for themselves does not mean letting them decide how to approach a situation on their own though. It is your job to let them know what is appropriate. Just because you don’t think your dog is capable of harming another does not mean they won’t be harmed if you are not fully versed in accurately interpreting dog communication, body language, and interactions.
The majority of dog owners misread dog behaviour, not only by their own dog, but especially of stranger dogs. Dogs also do not rationalize. Be mindful when granting permission for behaviours to think about consistency. Allowing a small dog to jump up on others seems cute when done to adults and/or same sized dogs, but that permission will get them in trouble around children and large dogs.
Successful socialization is a huge topic. These are only a few highlights. The main takeaways for now is, everything you do or don’t do in the eyes of your fur pal has an impact on how they perceive their relationship with you- whether you have any credibility for them to trust you to protect them. They look to you to be far more than their playmate and food provider. Second, love isn’t the key, respect is. Love is you directed and doesn’t necessarily consider the needs of the other. Respect is understanding the other and working on a give and take system. Finally, the goal of socialization is to teach your fur pal to live in a state of balance and neutrality. Calm confidence allows a dog to live their best life.